I was just laying in bed and while my body is at rest, my mind isn’t quick to follow.
I thought about the last time I wrote. The busyness of life and its happenings get in the way of actually documenting those moments in time. I felt uninspired. There were too many transitions. So many excuses, but just that they remained. Excuses.
I dug deep down inside of me and to the surface I brought many things. The main one being this; I stop writing when I am in the in between of life. When I am in the stages of happenings, when I am not exactly where I want to be, or in the before stage of an end result. I don’t like being in the in between. But, I no longer want to live in broad termonology and vague hints of life on my end.
I am currently in the in between of life. We have relocated back to a place where we have chosen to be. Sometimes life was difficult being far away with a new baby. Sometimes I wanted to leave and pack up and move on. Sometimes is right now. Sometimes I wanted to be by those who are supportive, loving, and community. Family. Sometimes moving and being close to what I know to be comfort is okay. And sometimes is right now.
I am in the in between of waiting for a husband to work closer to home, I am in the in between of living with my mama until we figure that out. I am in the in between of learning to be a new mama, a new wife, a new friend, a new me. Because I no longer want to share my life as it is after I have been past the in between phase. I no longer want you to know about the battles I fought or the rivers that almost swept me away. I want to live and share in that now. The right now. What is happening and how I will choose to respond to those happenings. Because right now I am living in the in between of not knowing what will happen next and confusion over what has already occurred. But the in between is what is happening right now. And it is beautiful.